10 May Motherhood Reflection
I’ve been meaning to write a post for quite some time; yes I have been on quite the hiatus. It all started when we were busy building our first home. Nathan and I spent countless hours completing various projects; “sweat equity” as it’s called. After we moved into our home (and bought a puppy!) another big event started to occupy my time: I became pregnant with our first child. Needless to say it’s been a whirlwind! It’s funny looking back on it now how quickly the time has passed since that morning I took not one but two pregnancy tests (you know, just to make sure it was real). Seeing that today is Mother’s Day – and my first Mother’s Day – I couldn’t think of a better time to reflect and write about this new and momentous title of Mom.
The moment I found out I was in fact pregnant I cried and I laughed and felt elated and incredulous all at once. Just the day before I had confided in Nathan that, for reasons I won’t go into now, I thought I maybe was pregnant but had had a very early miscarriage. “It just wasn’t time,” I remember saying. And yet, here I was with two positive pregnancy tests. I went into our living room, knelt down by the couch, and thanked God. I praised him for this child. I prayed for my little baby and their sweet soul. I prayed that they would come to know and love God. What a great responsibility I had been given!
The next 9 months went by quickly. We took childbirth classes and I read everything I could get my hands on. Although I was excited to meet this baby, a sweet little girl, I was so focused on labor and delivery. I was so afraid and focused on preparing for the pain I wasn’t thinking very much about how much I would love her and how my life would change and how I would cope with the challenges of raising a child. I was completely unprepared for that aspect of parenthood. Needless to say, at 5:01 a.m. on November 16th, I delivered our little girl. I made it through labor – in fact I did GREAT, if I do say so myself! And our sweet girl was absolutely healthy and perfect. But again, I just wasn’t prepared for how much our little Charlotte Mary was going to rock my world.
I knew my life would change but I didn’t realize just how much. My entire purpose in life is different; my existence is entirely devoted to the care and nurturing of this child. Everything I see, everything I read, everything I do, everything is different, because I am a Mom. I see all things, including the love of God and the love of my own parents, in an entirely new and clear light. What a gift.
How was I to know that every little event, from her smiles to new milestones, would make my heart feel like it was going to explode? I truly was not prepared for the absolute heart-wrenching joy and love that would ensue once I became a mother. With every day that passes my heart grows and I love her more than I even thought possible. When I look back on my nervousness now, about letting go and becoming a Mom, it’s silly how much I worried. I had no idea how much I would adore being a mother to this little baby. I suppose I simply couldn’t have known. She taught me to love in a way that I didn’t know was possible. Being a Mother is the great blessing I’ve ever known.
Happy Mother’s Day to my own amazing Mother and to all the mothers out there. We are blessed.